You grew up.
You survived.

But what happened in your childhood still hurts.

I work with adults who want to deal with what happened growing up and how it still affects them: the things that hurt, the way they treat themselves, and the reactions they can’t seem to change, even when they understand why they happen.

Some people come for themselves. Others see how their past is affecting their partner or their kids. Everyone has their own story and their own reason for wanting to do something about it now.

One-on-one sessions online, using hypnosis.

Book a free call

Twenty minutes to get to know each other, talk about what’s going on, and see if we’d work well together.

What was it like growing up?

Maybe a parent drank too much, yelled, put you down, or hit you. You could hear the front door open and already know whether tonight was going to be bad.

Maybe everything looked fine from the outside. But a simple mistake could leave you crying with shame. You weren’t allowed to disagree. You were mocked in public. And if you were scared or upset, you learned to keep it to yourself.

Or maybe you had to grow up too fast. You comforted your mom, looked after your siblings, broke up your parents’ fights, or tried to keep everyone happy. Nobody had much time or energy left to ask how you were doing.

There may have been love in your family, too. People cared about you. You had good days together. That can make it hard to say, “It was bad for me.” You immediately think about everything your parents did for you and how hard they had it themselves.

We can talk about that, too.

Beyond your parents

It may not have been your parents. Maybe you were bullied at school, humiliated by a teacher, or hurt by a relative or someone else you were supposed to be able to trust. Your parents may have loved you and tried to help, or never known what was happening. You can have loving parents and still have things from childhood that you need to work through.

Or maybe your family was affected by war or natural disaster. These terrible experiences may show up in the family's collective memory even through several generations, and the lessons learned there may impact you and your children.

You have your own life now

You have a job, maybe a family. From the outside, you might look like you’re doing well. But you’re often tense, and things that seem easy for other people take a lot out of you.

Criticism hits you hard. You say yes when you want to say no, then get angry with yourself. You accomplish something and feel good for a little while, but soon you’re back to feeling like you’re not doing enough or aren’t good enough.

In relationships, you may struggle to trust people, ask for what you need, or disagree without worrying about what will happen next. Sometimes you put up with too much. Other times you snap and wonder afterward why you reacted so strongly.

And sometimes you can’t explain what’s wrong. You just know that getting through a normal day shouldn’t be this hard.

When we first talk, we’ll start with what’s happening in your life and what you want to change.

What this can look like

In relationships:
worrying that someone will leave, struggling to trust, feeling jealous, or ending up in the same painful situations with different people.
At work:
being afraid to make mistakes, taking criticism hard, putting things off, or working too much because you always feel you have something to prove.
In how you see yourself:
feeling like something is wrong with you, beating yourself up, or carrying a lot of shame and guilt.
With other people:
struggling to say no, ask for help, speak up, or handle someone being upset with you.
In your reactions:
anxiety, sudden anger, crying when you wish you could hold it together, or shutting down and not wanting to talk to anyone.
In how you try to feel better:
addictions, overeating, shopping you can’t seem to control, drinking, gaming, working nonstop, scrolling for hours, or chasing risks and thrills.
In everyday life:
always feeling on edge, needing to control everything, or finding it hard to relax and enjoy what you have.
With your kids:
losing your temper, worrying too much about their safety, or struggling to set rules and stick to them.

Sometimes you lose your sense of what any of it is for. You feel down or depressed. At times, you feel hopeless or desperate. Even getting something you worked hard for doesn’t make you happy.

Life can feel harder than it should. Like everyone else has the wind at their back, and you’re always walking into it.

When no one really understands

You may have people who care about you and still feel completely alone with this. When you try to explain, they don’t really get it. They grew up differently. It’s hard for them to imagine what it was like for you, or why it still affects you now.

They may try to cheer you up: “That was a long time ago.” “Look at everything you have now.” “Try to focus on the good.” They mean well, but you end up feeling even more alone. Sometimes you stop bringing it up.

You’ve already tried to look on the bright side. You’ve told yourself it’s over, that other people had it worse, that you should be grateful for the life you have now. You can appreciate that life and still hurt over what happened then.

With me, you can work through these things without having to explain yourself, soften the details, or reassure me that “everything’s fine now.” I won’t rush you toward a conclusion, give you advice, or try to cheer you up. I’ve been through something similar myself, and I can hear the things you may be keeping even from yourself.

Explore what’s happening in your life now

Childhood experiences can show up in different parts of adult life. You can start with what’s bothering you now, even if you’re not sure how it connects to the past.

Anxiety & overwhelm

Always on edge, waiting for something to go wrong, or unable to relax.

Low mood & loss of meaning

Feeling empty, worn down, or unable to enjoy what you have.

Relationships & boundaries

Saying yes when you mean no, fear of rejection, or the same painful patterns.

Self-worth, work & performance

Having to prove yourself, fear of criticism, or freezing under pressure.

Emotional reactions

Anger, tears, shame, or shutting down before you can stop yourself.

Parents & your own children

What you owe your parents, what you want for your kids, and where to draw the line.

Sexuality & intimacy

Shame, tension, difficulty trusting, or trouble saying what you want.

For the “good girls”

“Don’t show off.” “Don’t talk back.” “Be a lady.” “Good girls don’t do that.” Maybe you grew up learning that women were supposed to put others first, keep everyone happy, and put up with things without complaining.

In your family, men may have had the final say, while women were expected to go along. Nobody asked what you wanted. But everyone had an opinion about the kind of daughter, wife, and mother you should be.

Now you may live on your own, make your own money, and handle plenty of responsibility, but still feel like you need someone’s approval. Saying no brings up fear, shame, or guilt. You may find it hard to speak up, ask for better pay, end a conversation that makes you uncomfortable, or tell your partner, “I don’t want to.”

If you were abused or humiliated, especially if someone told you it was your fault, you may still carry those messages: “I’m not good enough.” “I’m dirty.” “I’m stupid.” “Everyone else is better than me.” You can know those things aren’t true and still feel that they are.

“I want things to be different for my kids”

Maybe you made that promise a long time ago. And you really do handle a lot of things differently.

But then you’re exhausted or in the middle of a fight, and you hear your parents’ words coming out of your mouth. Or you’re so afraid of being too harsh that you struggle to say no, stand your ground, or let your child be upset with you.

That can hurt even more when you remember exactly how it felt when you were little.

Sometimes you try so hard to give your kids a different childhood that you go too far in the other direction. You let things slide, struggle to set limits, or accept behavior you’re not okay with.

What happened to you growing up is still affecting how you parent, despite how much you want to do things differently.

For the “good boys”

“Quit whining.” “Boys don’t cry.” “Deal with it.” “Man up.” Maybe you were expected to be tough from the start. Whatever happened, you were supposed to handle it without showing that you were scared or hurt.

Or maybe you had to take care of everyone else’s feelings long before you knew what to do with your own. You learned to read your mom’s mood, avoid setting your dad off, or keep your siblings okay. You smiled and went along with things when you were barely holding back tears.

Being a good boy also meant doing what you were told. Don’t talk back. Don’t upset your mom. Make your dad proud. You were supposed to stand up for yourself, but never to an adult. With all those rules, figuring out what you actually wanted wasn’t easy.

Now you may feel that your worth depends on how much you make, what you’ve achieved, and how well you handle things. You feel guilty resting and embarrassed asking for help. When something goes wrong, it feels like proof that you’re weak, useless, or not as good as other people.

In relationships, you try to be someone people can count on. You give in, take on extra responsibility, and make yourself useful. But saying what you want or admitting that something hurt you is much harder. So it builds up until you blow up or shut down.

If people made fun of you or put you down for having feelings, it can be hard to tell even someone you love, “I’m having a hard time. I need help.” It’s easier to say you’re fine and deal with it on your own.

What happens in our sessions?

We start by talking about what’s bothering you and what you’d like to be different.

I use hypnosis to help you pay attention to what’s going on inside: your feelings, the images that come up, and what you notice in your body. It can make it easier to work with things you struggle to put into words, or reactions that haven’t changed even though you’ve already spent a lot of time trying to understand them.

The goal is to work through those reactions so they stop coming back, rather than keep explaining why they happen.

You can talk, ask questions, tell me when something doesn’t feel right, or stop an exercise. We decide together how fast to go and how much to take on.

Then we look at what happens outside our sessions. What feels easier? Where do you respond differently? What still gets to you?

Often, the problem you first come in with leads us to something underneath it that you hadn’t noticed before. Working through that can change much more than the one issue you came to address.

More about hypnosis and what to expect →

Rates

Individual sessions: From $200 / hour
More extensive engagement: From $1,200 / month

USD. We agree on the scope and fee before starting. The discovery call is free.

More about working together →

Do I have to forgive?

Whether you forgive someone who hurt you is your decision. So is whether you want them in your life. If it’s a parent or someone else close to you, you may love them, feel angry or hurt, miss them, need their support, hope they’ll understand, or feel disgusted by them. Sometimes you feel all of that at once.

Forgiveness isn’t a goal in itself, and it’s not as simple as people often make it sound. Sometimes it can ease your pain. Sometimes it can leave you open to more abuse. We’ll take care in exploring what it means in your situation.

You don’t have to prove your childhood was “bad enough,” either. If something from back then is still bothering you, we can start there.

What if I’ve already spent years working on myself?

Tell me what you’ve tried, what helped, and where you still feel stuck. We’ll see whether the way I work could help with what’s left.

Sebastian Kristof

I’m a hypnotherapist, physician, programmer, and songwriter. I bring both a creative and a technical way of thinking to my work. That combination helps me work well with analytical people and get to the heart of a problem quickly.

I like tackling the hard stuff: finding meaning and happiness, starting over after 40, figuring out what you’re here for, untangling difficult childhood experiences, working through guilt and regret, working with physical symptoms, and finding a way out of recurring relationship patterns.

I’m comfortable with complicated stories and feelings that are hard to talk about. You don’t have to make your situation simpler or easier to hear before bringing it to me.

You don’t have to come in with a particular kind of problem. We’ll start with whatever is making it hardest for you to feel at ease and enjoy your life.

More about my background and training →

Something else on your mind?

You can come with a different concern, too. There’s room to talk about it without assuming it comes from childhood.

Other things we can work on →

Where would you like to start?

You don’t need to organize your whole life story or find the perfect way to explain what’s wrong. You can tell me what felt familiar on this page, or what happened recently that made you think, “I need to do something about this.”

On a free 20-minute call, we’ll talk about what’s going on, I’ll answer your questions about hypnosis, and you can decide if you’d like to work together.

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